So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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