yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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