Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize