my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
