Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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