i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
