I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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