HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
