Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She made me pour olive oil on her.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
