where am i from again
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
