lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
