dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
