I am in a vortex of obligation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
