oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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