i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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