I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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