how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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