She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize