Soap is not a condiment
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
