Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
