She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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