yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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