I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
