She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
