You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
