you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
