My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
