I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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