why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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