I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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