i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
