Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
