Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
