Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
