omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
