I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
