those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
