why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
