What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
