my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
