I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
