I want to walk on stilts...naked
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
