I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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