When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
