I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
