Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
