Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize