Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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