Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
