My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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