NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
