ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
