i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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