He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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