I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
