Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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