even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
