Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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