party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
