Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize