Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
