3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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