Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
