Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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