do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
