just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
