Got a toothbrush?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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