I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
