The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
