he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
