is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
