my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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