he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
