Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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