Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
me + whiskey = a bad person
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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