5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
