Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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