i think my mom watched the whole time
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize