The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
