I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
third nipple confirmed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
