Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
