If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize