i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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