did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
