And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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