There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize