"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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