i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
