you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
