I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
