I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
