You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
