I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
