Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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