I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
