So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
