I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just threw up on my dentist
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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