'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
